


Danish Prince

by Bluebird_Rose



Category: Basic Instinct (Movies), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Mænd & høns | Men & Chicken (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sexual Harassment, Size Difference, Size Queen Adam, Touch-Starved, Violence, author doesn't know anything about city life or restaurant reviews, big boys in cute aprons, big dick, but dammit she's trying, cute crybaby bull, elias is the one with the big dick, meet ugly, that dick size is canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:19:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebird_Rose/pseuds/Bluebird_Rose
Summary: Adam is a nightlife and restaurant reviewer for the hottest publication in town, Spillage. When he is shuffled into the dead-end cafe department after refusing to “review” his asshole boss, Adam is determined to review the hell out of some cafes until he can rise like a phoenix and take back his rightful place. He wasn’t expecting to run into Elias, the world’s WORST barista who somehow makes the world’s best danishes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about making coffee, but neither does Elias so that’s okay.
> 
> As of right now this is about 80% done, and is probably gonna end up at 5 chapters. (The smut should hit about chapter 4 or 5, but look forward to some good old fashioned meaningful glances and blushing and dealing with being touch starved till then.)
> 
> If you read my previous fic, this is completely different in tone, characters, basically everything. However, there is still a lot of food in it. Huh.
> 
> ABOUT ADAM'S BOSS: He is creepy and he makes advances on Adam and visits his apartment, but he WILL NOT assault Adam. If I need to add any tags please let me know. I will update with sex-specific tags when I upload that part.

Adam Towers is a staff writer for Spillage, the monthly food and restaurant-related publication with the worst name in the business. Even though they are shit at choosing names, their insider information and reviews are known to be the best. He had worked hard to make it as a staff writer for Spillage, cutting his teeth in the local free papers before a lucky break led him to be snapped up to work in the restaurant and bar department, Eve (ostensibly from Evening). He was good at his job, and he knew it. He always knew where the hottest places in the city had opened, or were about to open. His reviews were harsh, but no one could say they were not true. Now, everyone looked to him for the definitive ruling on what was hot in the city. He had found a niche for himself in Eve, and if he put in another year or two of work he was looking at becoming the Department head, if he had anything to say about it. 

At least that had been the plan, until last Friday night’s disaster of a “business dinner” with Eve Department head Gus Spizencruller. Spitz had invited him out under the premise of reviewing a new bourbon bar in town. After picking at the appetizer and downing more than a few drinks, Spitz made it very clear that Adam had not only been invited out to review the bar, but to review Spitz.

“Thoroughly and in detail," he said, placing one sweaty, too hot palm on Adam's knee, "at a hotel after dinner. I mean, come on. Look at you. You’re pure sex on a pair of long, long legs. We both know you didn’t get here purely on the strength of your writing skills. Let’s get out of here, and see if you don’t end up Deputy Department head by the end of the night," he slurred, trying to give Adam a wink and a come hither look at the same time. The unfortunate combination ended up making him look more like he had got something in his eye and was trying to get it out through pure force of will.

Adam let Spitz know EXACTLY how he felt about that idea, in the form of a $200 glass of bourbon thrown directly into his face, a cold smile, and a leisurely retreat out the front doors while Spitz was still sputtering.

\----------------------------------

That Monday found Adam being called into his boss’ office for an emergency 9:00 AM meeting.

“I’m being what?!” Adam screeched.

“You're being transferred to Coff and Caff for 6 months, effective immediately,” his boss said calmly.

“But why?”

“After internal personnel review, it was decided that C+C was a place where a writer like you could really be useful. They are really hurting for quality, and you’ve made such a splash here at Eve. C&C is ecstatic to have a new reviewer to bring some new life to their department.”

“Yeah, because over there it’s wall-to-wall old men and their friend, angel of death. Some of them still use typewriters!”

“Don’t be like that. If anyone can give that department the kiss of life it's you.”

“Kiss of life?! Are you - you can’t do this to me.”

“I can and have. It’s just for 6 months. After that we’ll revisit the issue and see if we can’t find a place for you back here at Spillage. Buck up Towers, if anyone can make that pit shine, it’s you.”

When Adam stormed out of his boss’ office he found a cardboard box already waiting on his desk. As he packed up his assorted knickknacks and ephemera, the cold reality of the situation set in. Coff and Caff? That was the worst department in the company. It was the graveyard, where all of the undesirables and misfits were shipped off. His territory was the nightclubs, bourbon bars, and hip restaurants covered by Eve. No one wanted to visit the cafes and stand in line with the soccer moms and grad students to review 100 types of scones a month. Him? On cafe duty?! A shadow slid over his desk, distracting him from his meltdown.

He looked up to see Spitz hovering over his desk with a self-satisfied smile on his face. “I hear you're leaving us, Towers. Such a shame, I had high hopes for your future here at Eve. Still, if circumstances change we may still be able to find a place for you. Working directly under me, perhaps? Think it over.”

Adam froze for a moment. Oh. You fucker. This is how you’re going to play it? Without another word Adam stood up, slipped the rest of his things into the box he had so generously been provided, and set off. He was a PROFESSIONAL, godammit. He had worked hard for years to finally get hired at Spillage. If Spitz thought he could force Adam out of the company, or worse yet, force him into his bed, he had another thing coming.

\----------------------------------

So here Adam stood, in front of the first cafe he had been assigned to review. Høns had been open about 6 months, but looked like it was on it’s way out of business already. The front glass was cloudy with dirt, the sign hung a little crookedly above the door, and an overall aura of foreboding and horror hung over the building. Fuck.

He steeled himself and pushed open the front door. Just as he stepped through he heard an alert from his phone. That was the tone he used for the office… he had to check it. He opened the message, and it was from Spitz. “Heard you got your first assignment already. I hope it is everything you wished for.”

Oh, fuck him. Adam couldn’t let him get away with this gloating. Adam fired off a quick reply to the message, “Thanks so much for the opportunity!!!! I’m really appreciating the chance to stretch my long legs in a new environment (:” He took particular pleasure in using the evil backwards smiley. Fucker.

An indignant throat clearing made him snap his gaze up from his phone screen. The cafe was empty, except for a huge man behind the till. He was… tall. Tall and built. His curly hair was an intriguing shade that couldn’t seem to decide what color it wanted to be. Blond? Grey? Brown? Adam saw strands of all of those in the man’s unkempt mop. He had a thick mustache that made him look like a 70s porn star and did little to disguise the harelip underneath. The man wore a forest green apron with “Høns” written in flourished white script across his broad chest, over a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. A little plastic name tag was pinned crookedly to one of the straps, reading, “ELIAS.” Adam snapped himself out of his thoughts as he finally realized Elias was talking to him.

“ -you hear me? Are you going to order anything? It’s very rude for you to come in here and ignore me and block the door for other customers. This is a very popular shop and we can’t have you blocking our entrance.” The man’s voice was deep and heavily accented, though Adam couldn’t place it. The richness of it drew him in despite the irritated tone.

Adam gave a quick glance around the cafe. The cafe didn’t look any better from the inside. There were no other customers there. It was dim, with dusty floors and countertops. Not one of the tables and chairs matched the others, and they all looked like they had been through two wars and a fire. The only bright spot in the shop was a glass pastry case next to the till. The glass was sparkling clean, and bright display lights further illuminated the golden brown treats inside. The case contained dozens of pastries that Adam had never seen before, all shapes and sizes, curled and iced and studded with fruits, and tempting.

Adam was dubious of the man’s claim that the shop was extremely popular, but he had to do his job. He stepped up to the counter and scanned the menu, settling on a Peppy Pumpkin Latte. The name made his brow furrow in disgust at the kitchiness, but damn if he wasn’t a bitch for pumpkin spice anything. He eyed the pastry case, and decided his review wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t include a sample of the food as well. “A medium Peppy Pumpkin latte with soymilk and double whipped cream. And one of those cheese danishes too.”

Elias attempted to put his order into the register, pecking at the keys for a while with a slightly constipated look on his face before the change drawer popped out, seeming to surprise him. "Er, cash or credit?” asked Elias. Adam pulled his wallet from his back pocket and fished out some cash. When he went to pass it to Elias the tips of their fingers brushed and Elias froze for a moment. His face flushed red and he hurriedly crammed the cash into the till before he fled to make Adam’s drink. Interesting. Elias was built well enough, but that blush, fuck. Adam could go along with this.

Elias studied a handwritten piece of paper tacked to the wall for a long moment before eyeing the various machines and ingredients as if they had personally offended him. He shifted his weight from foot to foot for a moment, glancing back at Adam. Adam took the opportunity to give him a little wink. Elias’ brows furrowed before he hurriedly grabbed a medium cup and poured a serving of black coffee into it. He followed it up with several splashes of soymilk from a carton in the fridge. He referred back to the paper on the wall, glanced at Adam, flushed again, then turned to the back of the shop. The syrups and flavorings were all lined up along the back wall, so Adam got an opportunity to observe Elias’s wide shoulders as he spent… a worryingly long time staring at the bottles. His gaze darted between them and the paper tacked on the wall several times before he suddenly seized one and poured a very generous serving of the syrup into the cup. He gave it a stir, then topped it off with a large serving of whipped cream and popped a lid on the cup.

Next Elias pulled out a flattened pastry box from under the counter, just large enough to fit a single danish. He carefully folded it to form a box, lined with a sheet of wax paper. He reached into the pastry case and used a silicon-tipped pair of tongs to pull out one of the golden cheese danishes. Even from this far away Adam could smell the sharp cheese and soft butter scents wafting off the treat. He gently placed it in the pastry box, topping it with another sheet of wax paper to protect it from sticking to the lid. He delicately closed the box and used a small piece of tape to hold it closed. He placed it into a little paper bag, folded the top over several times, then slid both the bagged pastry and cup of coffee across the counter to Adam with an averted gaze and a strained “En- Enjoy.”

Oh, Elias was even better than he first thought. His blush was… intriguing and his muscled arms and broad shoulders didn’t hurt either. Adam even thought his little stutter was cute. He brought the coffee cup to his lips on autopilot and took a big swallow of the peppy pumpkin latte only to spew it all over the counter, and Elias.

His tongue was currently being assaulted with the strongest peppermint flavor he had EVER TASTED IN HIS LIFE. Immediately his mouth began to burn and his eyes began to stream as his sinuses were overwhelmed with the cloying mint. He felt like he was choking. He tried to breathe through his mouth, but if anything this only made the cold burn of the mint worsen.

“What the hell?!?” bellowed Elias.

“Fuck me!! DId you just try to poison me?!” Adam managed to choke out through the mint fumes.

Elias, dripping with coffee, snapped back, “How DARE you spit on me?! If you didn’t like it that’s your problem, I made it just according to the directions, there’s no reason to be so rude!! I-”

“Rude?! You’re the one who just tried to kill me with a cup of concentrated peppermint murder! I don’t ca-” 

“Peppermint? It said Peppy Pumpkin! And don’t interrupt me! It’s very rude of you to interrupt me when I’m talking. As I was saying, I made it just as the directions said. I’m not the one who ordered such a complicated drink and then DISTRACTED the one who was trying to make it! You should be ashamed of yourself for accusing me of attempted murder!”

Adam stared at Elias, frozen and still crying a little from the fumes. Suddenly, he was Done. He was Beyond Done. “Well you can shove all that up your ass,” he said calmly. “I don’t care how hot you are, you’ll be out of business in a week’s time if you kill off all your customers with your incompetency, asshole.” He snatched up the bagged pastry from the counter, gave a little sneer to Elias, then turned on his heel and left the cafe, pettily slamming the door behind him so hard he heard the glass in the window panes rattle.

He fumed the whole three blocks to his office building, storming across the lobby to stab the elevator button to take him to his floor. When it arrived with an irritatingly cheery ding he blew through hall, flung open the door to his new office, and slammed it shut behind him as he threw the bagged pastry onto his desk. It slid across to the edge, teetering over his wastebasket.

“Asshole,” he muttered, and logged into his computer to see what other delightful cafe assignments were waiting for him.

\----------------------------------

As lunchtime approached Adam caught himself eyeing the bagged pastry. Fuck that asshole! Just looking at the bag pissed him off all over again. Still, he was hungry and it had smelled rather good, so why shouldn’t he eat it? The fucker already had his five pounds anyway. Fuck him! With that sudden decision he snatched up the bag and pulled out the pastry box. He ignored the carefully taped seam, ripping the top open to reveal the golden brown cheese danish inside. 

He crammed it into his mouth, chomping half the danish in one bite. He chewed it, angrily at first, but then slower and slower. What…the….fuck. It was official. This was the best cheese danish he had ever had in his life. Scratch that, the best ANYTHING he had ever had in his life. This was the worst thing to ever happen to him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He had to go back. Fuck. 

\----------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: This is the chapter where Spitz shows up at Adam's apartment. He threatens Adam and makes suggestive comments, and Adam panics a bit. If you need to skip that part, it starts at "That weekend found Adam..." and ends with "more serious than he thought."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAA I've got so many nice comments and kudos for this story, I just couldn't wait to get this chapter revised and put up! I should have the next chapter revised and ready in the next couple days.
> 
> Also I totally stole the increasing suit price joke from Arrested Development. I am a comedy fraud and will live in a cave in shame.

He returned to the cafe two days later, in disguise. A wool cap covered his distinctive dark curls, sunglasses hid his bright blue-green eyes, and he had a scarf (a dreadful brown monstrosity he had received from a well-meaning great aunt a couple of Christmases ago) wrapped tightly around the bottom half of his face. 

He lurked at the bus stop across the street from the cafe, not at all suspiciously, waiting for someone to enter the shop. He hoped to use the brief opportunity of the opening door to glimpse who was working behind the counter today. He kept his eyes glued to the door of the cafe for twenty minutes, but they didn’t get a single customer. Adam found his patience dwindling. This had gone on too long. So what if Elias was behind the counter? He was just going to buy a cheese danish (or two…) and if Elias tried to murder him again, so be it. Plus the young lady waiting beside him at the bus stop kept giving him increasingly nervous glances as he continued to board any of the buses that arrived. By his calculations he only had another 2.5 minutes before any sudden moves would result in him getting punched with a fistful of keys. 

He steeled his reserve, squared his shoulders, slipped his sunglasses into his breast pocket, and strolled across the street and into the shop, projecting an aura of sass and confidence. Thank god, Elias wasn’t at the counter after all - instead a guy even twinkier than himself (that was possible???) leaned against the counter tapping at his phone. HIs nametag read “☆ToNY☆” The guy slipped his phone into his pocket when Adam got a little closer to the till.

“Hey, what can I get you today?” he asked. 

“Muh, fail ff uf-” Adam loosened the scarf around his face. “I’ll have a Peppy Pumpkin Latte with soymilk and double whip and two - no, three cheese danishes,” he said. Damn his pumpkin spice bitch nature, he just had to get back on the horse.

“Oh good choice! The cheese danishes are our most popular pastry,” said Tony, expertly tapping Adam’s order into the machine. After taking Adam’s money he stepped to the side and had the drink ready in under a minute. It only took another moment to box up two danishes and toss them in a paper bag, though he didn’t take nearly as much care in packing them up as Elias had. Still, it was worth a slightly squashed danish if he could avoid seeing that asshole again.

Adam took in a sip of the latte and sighed. It was beautiful - warm and spicy and milky and not a hint of peppermint death. 

“If you like it, tell your friends! We’re just getting started up, so we appreciate any word of mouth we can get,” said Tony. “Or like, Yelp reviews or whatever.”

“Yelp reviews?”

“Or whatever, like even a tweet would probably help keep our doors open. I’ve been trying to drum up some foot traffic by putting up some latte art on Instagram, but I’m only really good at doing hearts and dicks so far. I mean I get a lot of likes, so nice, but if we don’t get some real numbers soon we might have to close up shop.” 

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do then,” said Adam. He couldn’t let these danishes get away from him. 

Just then he noticed a small window in the door behind the counter, looking into what must have been the cafe’s bakery.

Adam froze. Elias was in there. He was folding dough into the complicated twists and twirls of some kind of curly danish. His forest green apron was streaked with flour, his curly hair held back under a pink kerchief dotted with little… chickens? His face was full of a quiet pride and satisfaction. The small bakery, cramped with industrial equipment and containers of all kinds of ingredients, seemed to emphasize Elias’ size even more. Adam found himself admiring how the muscles in Elias’ forearms moved under his skin as he folded the complicated pastries, his fingers surprisingly dexterous for such a strong looking guy.

Elias seemed to sense he was being watched and flicked his eyes up to meet Adam’s through the small window. Elias immediately froze and flushed a deep red. Adam felt his face fold itself into a sour expression, and he saw Elias’ face do the same. Taking his coffee and danishes from Twink Tony, he turned on his heel, swishing out the door and closing it with a snap. He decisively put the image of Elias’s soft expression out of his mind entirely. 

 

\------------------------------------

 

Adam decided it would only be fair to focus his first review on Høns. Though he had visited many cafes in his first three weeks in Coff and Caff, none of them had been as… memorable as Høns.Despite the peppermint horror he had been subjected to at first, he couldn’t deny that Tony’s lattes were very good (slightly lopsided phallic latte art notwithstanding) and those danishes were definitely unmatched. He had fought off soccer moms and aspiring screenwriters at a baker’s dozen of cafe’ across the city so far, but nothing had offered up anything near as good as that first spite-filled bite of danish. 

> Høns: An Unforgettable Experience  
>  By: Adam Towers
> 
> When I first stepped into Høns on a depressing Monday morning, I had low expectations for the quality of the shop’s fare. It’s true, the decor is badly in need of updating and both the counter and the customer service skills of some of the employees could use some serious polishing. However, the cheese danish I had that day made this cafe more than worthy of their spot as this month’s _Must-Visit Cafe._
> 
> I feel confident in saying that there is no where else in the city you can have an experience quite like the one offered at Høns. All the pastries are made in-house by their talented pastry chef, and it shows. The quality and care put into each golden brown treat is readily apparent. This reviewer particularly recommends the standard cheese danish, as it is here where the quality of the shop really shines.The soft buttery pastry matches perfectly with the almost sharp taste of the unique cheese filling. Combined with a signature latte or pour over, with complementary and unique latte art options available, these quality baked goods offer customers a chance to treat themselves each morning. 

 

\------------------------------------

 

After Adam’s review, Høns quickly began to gain customers. Adam always took time out of his mornings to stop by Høns and pick up his regular cheese danish and latte, and sometimes he’d even go by on his way home and pick up a second one (or third) for dinner if he worked late. He even started dining in some mornings if he had a little extra time before work. He enjoyed seeing the uptick in business his review had caused, and seeing the effect it had on Elias.

The cafe’s atmosphere had improved thanks to the increased traffic. It wasn’t nearly as dusty and dead looking these days, instead somehow attaining that effortless, classic look of a cafe that has been around for a hundred years. Instead of dingy, the worn wood counter now just looked aged. Instead of dank and dusty, the interior of the shop now had a warm and cozy atmosphere. Elias had also changed in light of the shop’s increased popularity. He was somehow even more full of pride. Sometimes he even smiled at other customers, but never at Adam. A copy of the review was framed and posted prominently behind the counter, and Elias sometimes pointed at it smugly when Adam’s eyes met his through the bakery window. After all, according to the reviewer the pastries (and by association, Elias) were the only reason to come by the shop at all. Adam got a little thrill out of the idea that it was he who had caused the change in Elias, even if Elias had no idea that it was Adam who had written the review.

One morning Adam was sitting at his usual corner table when Elias emerged from the back to bus some tables. Adam watched him as he roamed around the shop, wiping down tables and putting dirty plates and cups in the pink plastic tub he carried around for that purpose.

When Elias neared his table, he couldn’t keep himself from teasing him a bit. “This place looks a lot better than it used to now that it’s filled with customers. I guess you haven’t managed to murder everyone yet,” he said.

Elias looked a little taken aback. Then his brow furrowed when he saw who had called out to him. “You’re very rude. As I said, I wasn’t trying to murder you.”

“Hmm. Still, I guess news about your pastries has spread enough to attract crowds now.”

Elias preened a bit, gesticulating at times with the dirty rag. “My danishes are the best in my country, of course they would be be best in this city too. After all, I am a very successful pastry chef with many friends and lovers.” He flushed a bit. “In-In fact I am so successful that my brothers pushed me out since I am still so young and virile and handsome and successful with women and they are all old and ugly so they were worried about me stealing their wives. But I have landed on my feet here.” Elias paused for a moment, then turned back to finish wiping the table. 

Adam thought for a moment. Even though Elias seemed like nothing but a big grumpy asshole, he seemed almost lonely underneath the bluster. “I can see that you are doing very well for yourself. Really coming up in the world.” By habit he threw in a saucy wink too.

Elias turned very red and started sputtering. “You - You are very shameless! Why do you always come around here and distract me? You -” Elias’ waving arms finally found a target. He smacked a passing businessman in the arm, and his coffee splashed all over his suit. 

“What the hell are you doing? This is a $3000 suit!”

Adam expected to see Elias round on this customer and yell at him too, but Elias instantly snapped his mouth shut.

“Well? What are you going to do about this? There’s no way I can get the coffee stains out of this hand-stitched silk! You idiot! No wonder you’re still working in a shitty cafe at your age!”

To Adam’s shock, he saw tears welling up in Elias’s eyes. Elias started sniffling, trying hard not to cry, staring at the floor.

“Hey, it was just an accident, calm down,” Adam found himself saying. Shit, what was he doing?

“Calm down?! Calm down?! I’ll show you how to calm down, this oaf just spilled coffee all over my $5000 suit! He a friend of yours? Are you gonna pay for this?”

“Ok, first of all if you paid 5 grand for that suit someone fleeced the shit out of you, because that’s bullshit. That suit looks like it’s straight off the rack from H&M circa 2013, so the only way it’d be worth that was if you were smuggling a couple of gold bars in the pockets. And second of all -”

Twink Tony rushed up from behind the counter to rescue the situation. “Excuse me sir, I’m so sorry. Please, allow me to arrange a cleaning for you. We will take care of it,” he said, ushering away the businessman who was incandescent with rage.

Elias took his chance and rushed back to the bakery. Adam waited around a while for for him to come back out and finish bussing the tables, but soon he had to leave for work.

 

\------------------------------------

 

That weekend found Adam hanging out at his apartment in his sweats, sipping on a bottle of beer and nodding off to whatever trash tv show he landed on when the dwindling reserves of his will to live had abandoned his body. A far cry to a month ago when Saturday nights were reserved for dressing up in his nicest suits and checking out the city’s nightlife. Oh god, was this his life now? Trash TV and conking out at 11:30 to reruns of the Bad Girls Club? Suddenly a series of bangs on his apartment door interrupted his spiral.

“Adam, let me in!”

Fuck, that was Spitz’s phlegmy voice. What was he doing here? How did he know where Adam lived?

“Adam, I know you’re there. I saw you come home earlier, looking delicious as ever. Open up and let me in.”

He was slurring his words, sounding drunk. A shiver went down Adam’s spine. “Fuck off Spitzencruller, I don’t work for you anymore,” he yelled through the door.

“Let me in, Adam. I have some discussions I want to discuss with you.”

“Discussions my ass!”

“I’d love to discuss your ass, Adam… mmmm. Always walking around work in those tight slacks. Showing off. You knew what you were doing, riling me up, and then you think you can just leave? Let me in.” Suddenly a loud thud rocked the door in its frame as Spitz rammed his shoulder into it. “Goddamnit Adam, let me in!”

“Go away or I’ll call the cops Spitz!”

A long silence followed. Finally Adam heard Spitz lean in close to the door and say in a flat voice, “Fine, I’ll go away. For now. I’ll see you soon Adam. Real soon.”

Adam heard him walk down the hallway, his footsteps eventually fading out into nothing. He sat there in a cold sweat for a minute, his heart pounding. This situation with Spitz was turning out to be more serious than he thought.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Adam was still a little shaken up from his unexpected visitor when he stopped by Høns on Monday morning for his usual danish and latte. He settled down at his corner table and took a big bite of his cheese danish, only to be OVERWHELMED by the salty flavor. Adam quickly spit the bite into a napkin and washed the taste out of his mouth with a big gulp of his latte. 

He went up to the counter and called out to Tony. “Hey, this danish is awful.”

“What?”

“It’s like a burned-up salt lick.”

“Elias!”

Elias poked his head out of the kitchen. Adam was shocked. Elias looked TERRIBLE. His clothes were all rumpled, he had big bags under his eyes, his normally unkempt mop of hair had gone full-on tumbleweed (was that a leaf in it?) and he looked like he had been crying again.

“Ja?”

“This guy says his danish tastes terrible.”

“That’s impossible! My danishes are the best in the city!” He strode forward and snatched the bitten danish from Adam’s hand before cramming it into his own mouth. He tried to chew and swallow, paused for a long moment, then lost the battle and opened his mouth, letting the mush fall onto the floor. 

“What the fuck, Elias?!” yelped Tony, jumping back.

“Salt and Sugar,” said Elias in a low voice.

“What?”

“I mixed up the salt and sugar,” said Elias. “The whole batch is ruined.Take them out of the pastry case and toss them. I’ll work on a new batch right away.”

Before Elias could turn and go to the kitchen, Adam reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “Elias, are you okay?”

Elias froze, looking down at Adam’s hand. For a moment he looked like he was going to cry, but he gave a big sniff and pulled himself together. “...I am fine. I am fine! I am doing very well and I appreciate you for bringing this matter to my attention. Good day.” Elias abruptly shrugged off Adam’s hand before rushing back to the kitchen to start a new batch of danishes.

 

\------------------------------------

 

That evening Adam was on his usual route home from work, which would pass right by Høns at the next block.The day had gone from chilly in the afternoon to downright cold now that the sun had gone down. A warm coffee and danish would hit the spot on a night like this. Thankfully Høns was always open late. Even at this time of night the shop would still be selling the day’s leftover pastries at a discount and offering students a lifesaving coffee after their last class. 

Adam found his steps picking up as he neared Høns, only to slow to a stop outside the cafe door, confused.The shop was dark and closed up, a hastily written note taped to the door saying, “NOT TONIGHT.” 

He heard a sound coming from the alley next to Høns, the creepy dark one which held Høns’ emergency exits and dumpsters. It sounded like the cries of a hurt animal, interspersed with soft shuffles and crumples. Maybe some animal got hit by a car and crawled off there to die? He looked around, but didn’t see any obvious blood splatter. Adam hung around the mouth of the alley for a moment, but the sound didn’t change or get louder or softer. It just continued, a low, soft keening of pain. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore and quietly started creeping down the alley to investigate.

_What are you doing Adam. Are you seriously going into a dark alley at night because you heard a weird noise? Because there might be a hurt animal? You are 100% for sure going to get murdered to death in this dirty deathtrap and it will serve you right you dumbass. What if it’s Spitz setting a trap? You get threatened and the next thing you do you’re immediately creeping off alone into dark alleys. Really smart, guy. Fuck._

The sound got gradually louder as he neared Høns’ dumpster. He peeked around the corner of the dumpster and saw… Elias? With a suitcase next to him?? Wrapped in a worn sleeping bag??? He was crying miserably but quietly, with big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He sniffed, letting out another little keen, then took a pastry out of the little paper bag sitting next to him on the cold pavement and started nibbling on it, still crying. Well that explained the shuffling and animal sounds at least.

“What the hell,” Adam whispered quietly to himself. “Elias?”

Elias froze, seeing Adam peeking around the dumpster. “Who is there?! Oh… it’s you.” Elias quickly scrubbed at his face with his sleeves to wipe off the tears, but it just kind of smeared everything around and made it more obvious he had been crying.

“Elias, what are you doing here?” Adam asked, stepping out from behind the dumpster.

Elias sat up straighter and pulled the sleeping bag around him a little more securely. “Oh...camping. Not that it’s any of your business!”

“Camping?”

“Well maybe in this country you don’t do it right, but in my country everyone goes camping like this. Besides, I am so tired of looking at the walls in my apartment, and listening to the yells of the landlord who is a terrible man and is always bothering me about money, so I decided to leave and sleep under the stars and fresh air so that I don’t need to live in that terrible place anymore, they don’t deserve me so actually the landlord did me a favor and now I can find an even better apartment to live in which does not have so many problems so I am camping tonight and for the foreseeable future until I can move into a new apartment which I am sure will be soon since I am a very successful pastry chef now.” 

“Elias, did you get kicked out of your apartment?”

“No! I just cannot go back there again!”

“So where are you living currently?”

“....”

“Elias, do you have a place to stay?”

“....”

Adam took a moment to process this. Elias was homeless because he hadn’t paid rent? Adam usually guarded his privacy viciously, but after the incident the other night it might be good to have a (big, muscled) roommate around should Spitz return. Purely for intimidation purposes. 

“You should come stay with me.”

“I can’t stay with you, I don’t even know you!”

“I’m Adam. I’m your best cheese danish customer.”

“Well, Adam, I don’t need your help or pity, I can deal with this myself.”

“Actually Elias, it would help me out a lot if you would come with me. I’ve been looking for a roommate and living with you would be a lot better than living with some stranger. Plus my ex-boss is being a real creepy asshole right now. It would make me feel a lot safer if a big tough guy like you would move in. But if you don’t think you would be able to protect me...”

“Of course I could protect you! Who says I couldn’t? I am the strongest there is, more than strong enough to protect a delicate man like you!”

“Ok then, get your stuff, my place is only a few blocks from here.”

Elias looked confused for a moment, like he knew he was being tricked somehow, but sniffed and wriggled his way out of his sleeping bag. He carefully folded it up and draped it over one arm, gathered up his suitcase, and followed Adam out of the alleyway like a lost puppy. He still sniffed occasionally, but the tears had stopped at least. 

\------------------------------------

“Just put your stuff anywhere. I’ll get you set up on the couch for tonight, and tomorrow I’ll straighten up the spare room over there and we’ll get you moved in properly.”

Elias stepped into Adam’s apartment, looking around with a judgmental eye. Adam was somewhat put off by Elias’ reaction, but decided to ignore it. Although he didn’t spend much time here before his transfer, he was proud of his apartment. He had carefully designed it to suit his tastes; an overall clean and minimalist look punctuated with occasional pops of color in the accessories and decorations. He was especially proud of the classy modern furniture that was somehow still comfortable and the framed prints of some of his favorite artwork on the walls.

“Why don’t you get a quick shower while I make you up a bed? That… campsite wasn’t the cleanest I’ve ever seen.”

Elias blushed, but followed Adam obediently to the bathroom. Adam pulled out a couple of towels for him, then shut him in the bathroom. While he was showering Adam took the opportunity to pull some blankets and pillows out of the linen closet and set up a place for Elias on the sofa. 

Elias cracked the door of the bathroom open about 15 minutes later, calling out to Adam. “I - I have my pajamas in my suitcase. Can you bring it to me?”

Adam heaved the heavier-than-it-looked suitcase to the bathroom door. As he passed it through he got his first good look at Elias. The shower had done him some good - he was scrubbed clean and steaming. His eyes were still a little red-rimmed, but he looked a hundred times better than the bedraggled teary fluffball Adam had found in the alley. He only had a towel wrapped around his waist, showing off his built upper body, thick patch of greying chest hair, and a cute little tum that pooched slightly over the top of the towel. 

“Thank you Adam,” Elias said quickly and shut the door with a snap. Adam stood in silence in front of the door for a moment, before giving his head a quick shake and rushing off to change into his own nightclothes.

Elias emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later dressed in an old-fashioned blue button-down pajama set that had obviously seen better days. He seemed a bit nervous, rubbing the top of one foot against the calf of his other leg and fiddling with the sleeves of his pajama top. 

“I’ve got you all set up here on the couch. If you get cold there are another couple blankets here on the chair. If you need anything you can just get me, my bedroom’s right over here. Uhh, if anyone comes to the door don’t let them in, it might be my old boss. He’s a creep, so let me know about that right away. Are you gonna be good for tonight?”

Elias swallowed hard at the last bit. “Yes, I’ll be good. I’ll protect you.”

Adam gave a nervous laugh. “I kind of meant, ‘do you need anything else?’ But that’s good to know. Glad I can trust you.”

Elias moved over to the couch and pulled Adam’s old comforter over himself. Without knowing why, Adam tucked the edges of the comforter in around Elias. “Goodnight, Elias.”

“Goodnight Adam,” said Elias dutifully, snuggling into the sofa.

Adam turned to move away, but Elias suddenly called out to him, “Adam, are you my friend?”

Adam was blindsided by the question. Were they friends? I mean, it had been a while since he had thought about Elias in negative terms, and he got angry when other cafe patrons yelled at him when he was doing his best, and he liked it when Elias was happy and took pride in his work… “Sure Elias, I’m your friend.”

Adam quickly shut off the lights, leaving only a desk lamp lit so Elias wouldn’t be disoriented if he awoke in a strange place in the dark. He went to his own bedroom and shut the door behind him, then thought again and cracked the door a bit. 

It took him a long time to get to sleep that night. He kept picturing Elias on his couch, wrapped up in his blankets in the dark. Elias was confusing. He was so big and aggressive, but cried easily. He was always bragging about himself and how popular he was, but he seemed so lonely. He would jump to anger and embarrassment so quickly, but was eager to follow Adam’s direction and be a good boy. Then, there was the way he had asked that question, as if bracing for a blow. ‘Adam, are you my friend?’ Christ. What had he got himself into?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, but there should be just one chapter after this. After reading through Chapter 3 I realized I just needed to rewrite the ending rather than try to force it, so here we are! The chapter count has also dropped from 5 to 4. 
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos I've gotten so far!!!! I love every one of them and they really encouraged me when I was trying to get this chapter out. I hope to have the last chapter posted in the next few days. ☆

The next few weeks passed by in a flash. Adam cut Elias a break on the rent at first, insisting he build up some savings before he worry about the paying him back. In return, Elias insisted on doing the bulk of the cooking and cleaning.

Elias had to leave early to get the pastries ready before the cafe opened at 6:00, so every morning Adam woke up alone in the apartment. Still, Elias always left some kind of note for him to find in his spiky chicken-scratch handwriting. It usually was just about apartment business; “I drank all the milk” or “We need more toilet paper,” but Elias always signed them with - Your friend, Elias. Adam took to keeping the notes in a drawer in his bedroom. Just because.

After hearing how Spitz had threatened Adam the previous Friday, he also took his bodyguard duties very seriously. Elias made sure he got off work around the same time as Adam now, so most days Adam would meet him at the cafe and they would walk back to the apartment together. Ostensibly it was just to protect Adam should Spitz come crawling around again, but Adam found himself looking forward to his walks home with Elias. Elias would ramble about philosophy or baking or what awful rude customers he had encountered that day, and once Elias got started he was mostly self-sustaining, so Adam would just have to nod along or add snarky comments as appropriate. 

Once they got home Elias would start on dinner, while Adam would sit at the kitchen island and fart around on the internet researching, finishing up reviews, showing Elias the various cafes on his schedule to visit that week, or just scrolling through his tumblr for pictures of cute animals. He soon discovered that Elias enjoyed trash-talking the other cafes, scoffing about their poor decor or clearly inferior food offerings, but Elias also sometimes gave him a soft smile when presented with the cute baby animal pics Adam carefully harvested for him.

Elias cooked dinner most nights, but they sometimes ordered takeout when Elias was tired or failed at making a dish that turned out to be too ambitious even for him. It was clear that pastries were Elias’ true calling, but his cooking was still way better than what Adam was accustomed to. They would eat dinner while watching something on the television or Adam’s laptop, then Adam would do the dishes while Elias straightened up the living room before they each retired to their own rooms to sleep.

Only one thing was puzzling. Adam was a tactile person. He hugged his friends hello and goodbye, fixed the tags on their shirts without asking, never hesitated to grab them if he had to deal with the sudden rush of emotion caused by catching sight of a cute puppy or a hot guy jogging without a shirt on. But the first time Adam casually leaned against Elias on the couch during one of their usual evening tv shows, Elias reacted strangely. 

He froze, every muscle Adam could feel pressed against him tense and trembling. Adam could feel his skin heat up as Elias flushed a deep red and started to make a quiet whining sound. Suddenly, Elias ran off to the bathroom and locked the door. He yelled through the door at Adam to keep watching the show, so Adam shrugged and unpaused it. Maybe Elias had eaten something that hadn’t agreed with him. He soon returned to the couch, and Adam leaned back against him and wrapped his blanket around them both, but Elias ran off to the bathroom several times that night, and Adam heard a quiet whining “Uh, uh, uh,” coming from the bathroom at times. Poor Elias, it sounded like he really did have an upset stomach. Adam just hoped it wasn’t from their shared dinner.

The third time Elias emerged from the restroom, Adam had a bottle of ginger ale waiting for him. 

 

\------------------------------------

 

Adam had never really been lonely before. It was always easy enough for him to visit a club and find someone to spend the night with, and they were usually long gone in the morning. The ones that weren’t were usually hanging around hoping for coffee or cab fare before they took off. It was nice, to wake up everyday to one of Elias’ notes, to walk home together in the evenings, to cook something together and eat on the sofa as they watched something.

Christ, was he crushing on Elias? Adam had to think about this. He had been physically attracted to Elias before the Peppermint Incident, and Adam had to grudgingly admit that that hadn’t really changed. Elias put on an asshole front, but underneath Adam knew he had a sweet center. Somewhere. And living with Elias these past few weeks had given him a chance to get to know Elias better. 

Now he knew what Elias’ handwriting looked like, from the growing number of notes carefully hidden away in his bedroom drawer. Now he knew how warm Elias felt, had snuggled up to him when they were sitting together on the couch watching trash TV. Now he knew that Elias cared about how he felt, and loved arguing about anything and everything. He also knew Elias had some weird bathroom issues, but still tried his best at everything.

It was ok. Adam could maintain this semi-roommates semi-housekeeper distance without crushing. Elias was nice, but he never indicated that he wanted anything like that from Adam. Adam was no stranger to admiring from afar, and if it got too bad he would just pick up someone and get it out of his system. He could maintain this balance. He was an adult, goddamnit, with self control and a career (kind of, he was working on it) and snark to spare. 

It was ok. No problem. Right.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Adam’s articles on Høns and other cafes had garnered an initial handful of emails from readers, surprised at the sudden jump in the quality of Spillage’s cafe reviews. They had enjoyed his writing style and asked for more. He started visiting three or four cafes a week, his pull-no-punches style divisive but fair. He soon gained a loyal following of readers who always sent in emails to the editor and shared his articles online as soon as they went live. With Adam’s contributions, cafe section was slowly making a rebound in popularity. 

After one of his articles was printed with a spot photo of him at Høns enjoying his traditional latte and danish, his popularity exploded. He received dozens of emails that week from readers thirsty for more reviews (with extensive pictorials), cafe owners begging Adam to review their shops (and maybe hold a quick photoshoot), and even one tea company who wanted Adam to be a model for their new campaign. ”You just looked so good sipping from that cup, we want what’s in it to be ours,” the email read. He considered it carefully for a few minutes before moving it to his ‘maybe’ folder.

However, his success at Coff and Caff wasn’t all good. His increased popularity with the readers came with increased contact from Spitz, in the form of a series of ominous texts sent soon after the Høns pictorial was published. The first message read, “I saw you with that man the other night, the ugly one from the cafe. You’ve really lowered your standards. Think more carefully about the quality of the company you keep.” Adam decided to ignore the message, ignore Spitz, and just keep doing what he was doing and killing it with his work. However, a couple days later he received another message from Spitz, this time with a photo of himself and Elias walking home from the cafe, taken from a distance. “I tried my hand at photography myself the other night, and found a beauty walking with a beast. Do you think they are good enough to print, Adam?”

He blocked Spitz’s number.

 

\------------------------------------

 

A couple weeks later Adam went by Høns to pick up Elias on his way home, as usual. It had been raining all day, so he was in a bit of a Mood already. What a day to choose to wear his new cute suede boots. Sigh. He quickly ducked inside the shop and found Tony at the counter, rushing about and serving customers at a snappy pace. Elias wasn’t waiting at the counter for him with his usual bagged danish, and a quick peek into the bakery showed he wasn’t there either. 

 

“You looking for Elias?” asked Tony. “I thought he left earlier to meet you somewhere? At least that’s what the guy said.”

“The guy?”

“Yeah, some guy showed up earlier, said that you wanted Elias to meet you at work or something? Then they both ran out together. It was just a bit ago, I guess you missed him.”

“Did the guy tell you his name?”

“No, he gave me kind of a skeevy vibe though. He was an older guy, semi-tall, desperately keeping his growing bald spot warm with a sad combover…”

Spitz. Spitz had come here. Why had Elias gone with him?

Snapping a quick “thanks,” to Tony, Adam rushed back out into the rain. He realized halfway to his apartment he wasn’t exactly sure where he was going, but it seemed that luck was on his side. As he neared his apartment he saw Elias and Spitz, rolling around on the sidewalk outside his building and yelling. 

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK,” Elias bellowed. He had Spitz mostly restrained, his hands gripping Spitz’s collar, but Spitz had one hand free and was bashing Elias in the head over and over with his umbrella. “YOU ARE A LIAR!” It looked like Spitz had got in at least one good hit, and Elias had blood flowing freely down his face, dripping onto Spitz below.

“Get off me you crazy asshole!” Spitz screamed right back, through what looked like a broken nose. He was trying his best to wriggle away from Elias, but he was no match for Elias’ strength.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” screeched Adam, approaching them at a run. “STOP RIGHT NOW!”

Both men paused their wrestling, Elias straddling Spitz with his collar still gripped tightly in his hands. They were breathing heavily, covered in blood, and right in the middle of the goddamn sidewalk. In the distance, the faint sound of police sirens started to grow louder. 

Spitz took advantage of the brief break in the fight to knee Elias right in the groin. Elias groaned, then went down hard, rolling to his side and curling up, holding himself. Spitz sprung up much faster than Adam would have expected, then took off down the street away from the sirens. 

“Oh fuck, Elias, are you alright?” Adam kneeled down next to Elias. “We gotta get out of here before the cops come. Come on, come on-” Adam tried to help Elias up, but he was much heavier than he looked. Eventually he managed to get one of Elias’ arms around him, and hauled him up the steps to his building. They struggled up the stairs to their apartment and Adam quickly locked the door behind them. Elias sunk to the floor just inside the door, dripping rainwater everywhere and shivering. He was still holding himself, and sometime between coming in off the street and reaching the apartment he had started to cry silent, frustrated tears. A slow steady stream of blood still dripped down his face and onto the floor. Adam heard the sirens go past their building without slowing down, and he let out a relieved sigh.

Adam crouched down next to Elias. “Elias, are you okay? Did he hurt you? Well, I saw him knee you in the balls, but he didn’t like, stab you or anything, did he?” Adam asked, trying his best to run his hands over Elias and check for injury. 

Suddenly Elias wrapped him in a bear bear hug, pressing his face into Adam’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything, just held on to Adam as tight as he could, his breaths rough and uneven. His fingers were digging into Adam hard enough to hurt, hard enough to leave bruises maybe. Still, Adam let him cling. For a minute at least. Then, he realized that both he and Elias were soaked with rainwater and Elias’ blood, and Elias was still shaking. Adam started to run his hands up and down Elias’ tense sides, trying to get him to calm down enough to loosen his grip. He made soothing shh noises as Elias quietly cried and sniffed into his shoulder, until he seemed a little less tense.

“C’mon, huh? Let’s get you out of these clothes and get you warmed up.” He moved to stand up, and Elias stood with him. He kept running his hands over Elias’ sides, until Elias finally let him go. Elias stood there, lost for a moment, until Adam tugged on his sleeve to get him to follow him to the bathroom.

Adam paused outside the bathroom and let Elias go in first. “Take off your wet clothes and get in the tub. You’ve got to wash the blood off you before I can bandage you up.” Adam turned away to give Elias some privacy, but Elias snapped out a hand and grabbed his wrist. 

“Please, Adam, don’t go,” Elias said quietly.

Well, they did say that you should observe head injuries. And Elias looked so shaky right now…. Fuck it. It wasn’t like he’d never seen a naked man before.

“Alright, Elias,” said Adam, following Elias into the bathroom.

Elias unbuttoned his shirt slowly, still wincing, and let it fall to the floor with a wet slap. His torso had a few darkening bruises on it, but Adam didn’t see any more cuts or potential stab wounds. Adam turned away and started to fill the bathtub, letting the water run warm before kneeling down to put in the plug. He turned back to see that Elias had removed his pants and underwear too, now lying in a puddle on the floor with his shirt. And. Oh my. Adam was at exactly the wrong (or right) height to see Little Elias. Or. Not so little Little Elias.

Still, now was not the time for Thirst. Adam put out his hand to Elias, inviting him to get in the warm tub. Elias shuffled forward, still teary eyed but looking more frustrated than ever. He clumsily climbed in and sat with his knees pulled up to his chin, sniffling.

Adam took a cup from the edge of the tub and filled it with water from the bath. “Elias,I’m gonna pour this over your head so I can wash away the blood and see what we are looking at,” he said. Elias gave a little nod, but said nothing more. Adam dipped the cup into the tub then brought it up over Elias’ head. “Lean your head back,” he instructed, and Elias dutifully did. He slowly poured the warm water over Elias, running the fingers of his other hand through Elias’ curls to break up the blood already matted there. After a few more rinses most of the blood was gone from Elias’ face, revealing a cut about 1” in length above his eyebrow. It continued to bleed, but it looked like it was slowing.  
.  
Adam moved away from the tub for a moment to get the first aid kit out from under the sink. He rifled through it until he found a gauze pad, then folded it in half and pressed it firmly to Elias’s forehead. “You wanna tell me what happened?” Adam asked, holding the pad to his forehead to keep pressure on it.

Elias looked to the side, not meeting Adam’s eyes.

“Elias, I am not mad at you. I just, I want to make sure you are okay.”

Elias started running his fingers along the edge of the tub over and over, keeping his eyes averted. He took a teary breath and mumbled, in a quiet voice. “He came by the cafe this afternoon. He said that you had sent him, and that you wanted me to come by the office with a coffee and danish for you since you would be working late. But I knew he was lying. He was your boss, the one I was supposed to protect you from.”

Elias took a deep breath and continued. “I said I knew who he was, and that he should leave us alone and go away. Then he started saying mean things about you, mean and dirty things, and I just got so angry, I chased him from the shop. We ran down the street and he started yelling at me, and pushed me, but you are so nice and beautiful and he is a LIAR so I GRABBED HIM and told him to SHUT UP, WE STARTED FIGHTING AND NOW YOU WON’T BE MY FRIEND, AND-”

“Woah Elias, calm down!”

Elias was breathing heavy, his face flushed with anger at the memory of Spitz’s words.

“Listen to me, Elias,” Adam said in a calm, but serious voice. “First of all, I’m still your friend. I’m not gonna stop being your friend because you fought Spitz, are you serious? Here, hold this to your head and don’t let go.” He left Elias on gauze-pressing duty and looked around for his shampoo. He poured some into his hand and started working it through Elias’ curls, carefully avoiding the gauze. He paused a moment to gather his thoughts and work the lather through Elias’s hair, cleaning away the last of the blood. 

“Here, tilt your head back,” he said quietly, and poured another cup full of water over Elias to wash away the suds. Elias closed his eyes tightly, shaking a little. Adam ran a hand through Elias’s hair, brushing it away from his forehead. “I’m sad that you got hurt, and I was worried about the cops, but I’m not mad. Spitz is an asshole, and you were so brave.” Elias’ eyes popped open wide, and he trembled for a moment, frozen. Then Elias closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks, gave a big sniff, and just, went limp under Adam’s hands. He let Adam scrub the blood off his arms and body with a washcloth, and Adam had him stand and rinse off the rest of the suds.

“C’mon, let’s get you out of the bath.” Adam wrapped a fluffy towel around Elias’s waist, and one more around his shoulders. He led Elias out of the bathroom and to the sofa in the living room, where they sat together. He pulled another gauze pad out of the first aid kit and pressed it to Elias’s forehead to cover the cut, then taped down the edges. Finally, he placed a gentle kiss to the center of the pad. “Thank you for being so strong, and protecting me. Spitz will know better than to come around here again.” He reached over and pulled the fleece throw off the back of the couch, arranging it over them both. Then, Elias still wrapped in this towels and slightly damp, Adam ran his fingers through Elias’ curls until they both fell asleep.


End file.
